COMPROMISE

Compromise is a word that we have spoken about in my house for years. We always talk about the dangers of compromise. When I looked up the word on my phone the definition that was given was this:

Compromise – accept standards that are lower than is desirable.

Somehow, I think that is a great definition but one that also doesn’t tell the whole story. That definition makes it seem like a negotiation. I know that is probably the most common way to use that word, but when I think about it, or at least when I think about the most important way to think of that word, that is not how I use it. I want to think about it over a long period of time. Maybe I even want to say “that creates or accepts” standards that are lower than is desirable. The situation I worry about is when it comes to how we live our lives. One day it seems we have rules in place that create an environment where we can be a good person and make good decisions. The next thing we know it’s a few years later and we either realize or someone points out how far we have slid. The reason we don’t realize how far we have gone is because we didn’t realize how many times, we compromised over that time frame. It could be with something simple, like going to bed on time. Let’s say we do something crazy like go to bed at 9:30 pm. We wake up early and refreshed at 5:30 am every morning. But then, 9:30 becomes 9:45 and then somehow six months later we are going to bed at midnight. That means that now we do not wake up until 7:00 am and we are rushing out the door almost late for work every day. One more episode or one more conversation or game and over time, that changes things by two hours. We didn’t notice it, but we compromised our bedtime. We lowered our standards over a period of time, so small we didn’t even see it. What happens if we are late for work every day? People lose jobs on a regular basis because they can’t seem to make it to work on time. Why? At some point they lowered their standards and compromised what was important. I think what actually happens is that we don’t lose our jobs. What I mean by that is we don’t see any consequences for our compromise. It starts out normal and then we wake up one day and we can’t figure out why our performance isn’t as good, or we don’t notice how many people at work have passed us. Then when we are so far behind at our jobs or in life, we move on because we think life isn’t fair and it’s our boss’s fault. The sad part is we do this in relationships also. When we first get married, we text all the time. Now, 10 years later, we text once a week. What happened? We compromised.

         Sometimes compromise is good, and I don’t want to ignore that. If you are having a disagreement with someone, you need to be willing to compromise in some way. It feels like the more time that passes the more unwilling we are to see someone else’s point of view. We selfishly want everything and are unwilling to listen to the other side and come to a compromise. Some may say, meet me halfway. I strongly believe in our closest relationships or maybe something at work, we need to meet people halfway. This isn’t what this post is about. I want to address those issues of waking up one day and not being the person, you always wanted to be. For us to make sure we don’t compromise; we must know where we want to go. Let’s say my goal in life is to write a book, so everyday I say I want to write 500 words. I start off strong the first week, everyday 500 words. Then the next week, it was 475. 25 less words doesn’t seem like a big deal. But, if six months later I’m only doing 100 words a day, I’m probably not going to write that book. At first what seemed like no big deal ended up costing me what I wanted most. I think compromise is one of the reasons we have so many less people going to church. There was a time when everyone went every week. It was weird and very noticeable when someone missed a week. Now it seems like someone can go a month without going to church and no one seems to notice. The less we go to church the less influence God has on our life, that leads to more compromise. What I watch on tv changes, what I look at on social media changes. Next thing I know, it’s Christmas and I haven’t been to church since easter. I want to be a good person; I want to be a good husband. I want to be a person who goes to church and follows God. The times that I feel like I am furthest from these things are the times that I get away from the basics. I know the right things to do, but even at my age I need to hold myself accountable to stay on task. When I’m not doing what I should be, I find myself in the middle of conversations I don’t want to be in. I find myself watching more tv or being on social media longer. When the end of the week comes, I have to deal with the guilt of compromise. Compromise feels so good when it’s happening, but I hate the feeling of not getting anything done or the feeling like I’m not who I want to be. I need to be able to recognize the times when I am vulnerable to compromise. I need to put people in my life who will hold me accountable to be the person that I want to be. There are plenty of situations in life in which I fully support trying to compromise, but never compromise when it comes to being the person not only you want to be, but who God wants you to be!